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AT&T (O.S.)
Is there anything else I can help you with today?

JON
(on the phone)
No, that’s it.

AT&T
OK, then I’m going to ask you a few questions.

JON
OK.

AT&T
What television provider do you use?

JON
None.

AT&T
What?

JON
None.

AT&T
I see. Do you have a TV?

JON
Yes.

AT&T
But you don’t have a provider.

JON
No. I don’t watch TV.

AT&T
At all?

JON
At all.

AT&T
OK… then what wireless service do you use?

JON
Prepaid.

AT&T
What?

JON
Prepaid. Page Plus.

AT&T
And how much are you paying?

JON
Twenty-seven dollars.

AT&T
Is there any brand of phone you like?

JON
Nope. Doesn’t matter.

AT&T
I think I can save you some money. I can get you a free phone.

JON
No thanks, I don’t need another phone, and I’m pretty happy with my plan now.

AT&T
What I can do is offer you a new phone. You would get 450 anytime minutes 5000 night-and-weekend minutes and unlimited mobile-to-mobile calling. This would be $39.99 a month.

JON
But I pay 27 dollars and I get 1200 anytime minutes.

AT&T
How many?

JON
Twelve hundred.

AT&T
I thought you said this was prepaid.

JON
It is.

AT&T
Who’s your provider?

JON
(clearly)
Page. Plus.

AT&T
And how much is it?

JON
Twenty. Seven. Dollars.

(beat)

AT&T: I’m sorry, I won’t be able to beat what you have. You have a good deal there.

It’s over 110 degrees at my house. Lord have mercy.

Now that I’ve had sufficient data in my multi-year study on Koreans, I have few conclusions about Korean styles of speaking and vernacular.

The first thing I noticed about Korean people is that they use the word trash as a verb. Now I am aware that there already exists a verb form of the word trash; however, traditional usage puts it more in the context of destroying or wrecking, whereas the Korean version means to throw away. For example, see this sample usage from a famous Welsh celebrity:

BALE
Do you want me to fuckin’ go trash your lights? Do you want me to fuckin’ trash ‘em? Then why are you trashing my scene?

Now see the Korean-American version:

YOUNG-IL
(holding up candy wrapper)
Jonathan teacher, can I trash this?

Similarly, Koreans also like to use the word half as a verb. Unlike the previous word, half is a noun (and, less frequently, an adjective or adverb) and cannot be used correctly as a verb; the grammatical form should be halve.

Either way, most people simply say “divide in half” or “split” instead of the less frequent “halve.” For example:

ANN
Does anyone want to split this cookie with me?

JENNY
Sure. Let’s divide it in half.

Or, less commonly:

MR. YIP
If you halve the number of Skittles in the bag, how many would be left?

However, here we have the Korean version:

CHAN-HEE
We’re going to half this burrito and share.

Thirdly, while fobs are expected to drop articles such as a or the, I’ve noticed that even Koreans with perfectly good English will still eliminate the article a when preceding the phrase “long time ago.” First, here is how I would say it:

JON
Did you know I tried out for American Idol? But that was a long time ago.

Contrast that with the Korean way of saying it:

YEON-HEE
Remember when Sang took his date to the market?

JOU-HYUN
Ohmygaw, noo! Recently?

YEON-HEE
No, long time ago!

Lastly, Korean people use the word market to describe any kind of store. It doesn’t matter if it’s Safeway or Target or REI or Home Depot. It’s the “market.”

JOON
I have to go to the market later to pick up some undershirts.

BEN
They sell undershirts at the market?

JOON
Yeah, next to Target.

BEN
That’s a Kohl’s.

JOON
Yeah, the market.

BEN
But they don’t sell food there.

JOON
Yes they do, they sell Hot Cheetos at the checkout.

More findings will be posted here as data continues to surface.

By the way, I am back on last.fm!

ADDENDUM: A reliable Korean source has informed me that the last example (“market”) is in fact wrongly attributed to Koreans. They don’t use the word to refer to all stores. Only to groceries and Target stores.

Did you know that Costco sells giant gun lockers? I was at the my local store and was just kind of walking around looking for the dog food when I stumbled on a heavy duty refrigerator-sized gun locker made by Winchester. I turned the big wheel lock and was playing with the door when this little girl in my aisle exclaimed, “That’s the same one Grandpa has!”

There is still hope for California!

So about a year ago I wrote about the benefits and possibilities of open carrying a firearm in Los Angeles. I’ve been doing more reading and it seems pretty straightforward and the laws are pretty explicitly on the side of the legal gun owner.

After reading some positive testimonials from encounters with law enforcement, I am seriously considering open carrying on a limited basis, finally. It’s pretty simple. Unloaded firearm, carried in a visible holster. Totally legal. No permit or license required. You can have a loaded magazine/speedloader in your pocket. You can also do this in your car (firearm cannot be concealed or loaded). Police are allowed to check to see that the magazine/chamber are unloaded, and you are required to comply; beyond that there is no legal cause for them to do anything further.

Did you know this?

I have a few more thoughts on obesity.

Having been to several other countries, I find the inordinate ratio of overweight people in the United States to be particularly glaring. Of course we can attribute it to the fact that we like everything (meals, houses, streets, cars) to be HUGE.

However, I still feel like we treat the problem as this abstract, complicated condition in which we can’t quite identify the direct causes. There are new studies coming out on the news every day trying to explain this “phenomenon” when all I had to do was stand in line in Costco for about 30 seconds.

Exhibit A: At the checkout, I noticed several morbidly obese people in the adjacent lines. Out of curiosity, I noted what was in their carts. Beer, cream puffs, instant foods and snacks. All in the large Costco sizes of course.

Incidentally, there was this lady in line ahead of me who was probably in her late 40′s or early 50′s, fit-looking and dressed in a track jacket and running tights, with fancy Nike sneakers, bleach-blond hair, and a lot of work done on her face. Her cart was almost ENTIRELY fresh produce — mushrooms, blueberries, strawberries, whole grain bread, and leafy green vegetables.

As for myself, my cart was somewhere in the middle: soy milk, ham, eggs, pita chips, cottage cheese, and chicken pot pies. But I don’t buy my produce from Costco.

I guess I could give those others the benefit of the doubt and assume that they don’t, either.

Or I could assume that they don’t buy them, period.

Exhibit B: People don’t exercise.

Yesterday I bought my own underwear for the first time in my life. Ever.

Yes, up until now I’ve been wearing what my mom and dad bought me as a teenager.

Having a gf can make you do some crazy things.

Oh man my house is 92 degrees indoors. The thermometer in my back yard says 112. Holy crap, did I get Left Behind or something?

Photos from The Garden Golf Tournament 2010 fundraiser (now posting in larger size!):

By the way, these are the last of the pictures with my Nikon D40. Sold it, moving on to the D90. (They still look good though, no?)

Continue…

“We need to see how evil they are so that it is justified when they are killed like ants.”

- Mom, arguing in defense of the “ice cream” scene after watching Assault on Precinct 13