The Berkeley Archives: Jon Yip Talks to Himself

A Systematic Commentary On My Life At Berkeley

Week Sixteen: Withering Away

12-9-2001

Friday was the last day of class! Part of me is really happy, while the other part of me is prepared to die during the two weeks to come when I will study my arse off. I want to write more but I am too conked out to do much more. We had the final IV large group today, it was pretty cool. Urg...

I took the BART home on Saturday, at around noon. We went to Costco and ate at Hometown Buffet. Cell group was cool; we played pin the tail on the donkey. I almost fell asleep at one point, I was so tired. And after we went home, I studied until past 1:00 in the morning.

Today's service was good. Pastor Ralph is starting the adult services soon, in January! I am wondering what it will be like. Oh, and a lot of people were here today, back from school. I cast almost all of the rest of the characters for the play; now I just need to organize everything. Man.

I went home, ate some stuff, watched another episode of Gundam Wing. Leon was leaving for Berkeley straight from his old church in Santa Clara, so I went there. For some reason (Advent I think) the confession was BEFORE the mass (this is what Leon told me) so I ended up getting there right when mass started, instead of when it ended. But I got to check out a different kind of church and it was pretty neat; very different from River of Life. The people act much less materialistic and faddy, which I like very much. Materialism seems to characterize ROL. I mean, we have our good points, but everyone IS a bit on the rich, spoiled side in our church. Anyway, I was pleased to meet the famed Annabelle (Gloria's suite-mate) but I didn't really get a chance to say anything. Jean drove us to Berkeley.

Leon and I went to I.B.'s to eat some hoagies, then I came back and studied. I feel like I'm withering away.

12-10-2001

Whew! I finished the rest of Henry V this morning! That means I have officially read all the text required for the ID section of the Shakespeare final! However, much of the "reading" I did was actually just staring blankly at the book, comprehending nothing. At times I would just space out, snap out of it, and read a whole page again before realizing that I already read it two minutes ago. Even with the plot summaries at Sparknotes.com, I just can't absorb these boring historical plays, and that's especially bad for me because on all the midterms he uses a whole lot of passages from those stupid Henry and Richard plays. Shoot.

At around noon Gloria called me. They were finally in Berkeley! I ran downstairs to meet them and met them halfway at the 4^th floor because she didn't remember that I was on the 6^th. Her roommate, Behnaz, was with her, and so was Steve Chen. I went with them to eat (we also met up with Calvin), coincidentally, at the same place that Leon and I went last night: I.B.'s. After watching them eat for a while, we went back to my room, where they bugged Peter about taking pictures and his age and etc., etc., etc. At around 3:00 they decided to go "shopping" on Telegraph, and I decided to join them since I hate studying. We went to Cunningham first to get Leon, who was Counter-Striking, as usual. Well, we went to Telegraph, and Gloria and Behnaz somehow ended up at Bath and Body Works, of all places, and since we men refused to be caught dead or alive in such a frightening place, we went to that poster shop and looked around for quite a while. Of course, we got separated, so we just went around looking at skateboard stuff and comics at various stores. Eventually, a little before 5:00, we met together again, and they left. Leon and I walked back to Unit 2. I had a good time; I blew five perfectly good hours of potential study time, and I got to meet Behnaz, who was cool.

I went into my room, set my keys down, left the room momentarily, and TOOK THE HANGAR OUT OF THE DOOR. How could I have been so retarded? Peter wasn't around, and I was locked out. So I just went to go eat at the DC hoping that Peter would get back before I did. He didn't. I just talked to the girl at the security desk, who called the RA on duty, who unlocked my door.

I spent the rest of the night, kind of studying, but kind of not. I was planning to study herra hard, but I just can't bring myself to study correctly. I still don't know exactly WHAT to study, I don't know HOW. I tried doing some practice writing for the short essay and in-class essay questions that I will receive on the finals, and I can't do it. I don't know what I am going to do. What's the matter with me?

12-11-2001

I tried studying today... I really did. I just don't understand why I can't study when it matters the most. And I'm not the only one. Today both Peter and I found as many ways possible to avoid hitting the books: checking email, making phone calls, sitting around, etc. While I DO have the material fairly down (probably as good as I'm ever going to get it), what I DON'T have down is how to write the short essays. I've opened Word Perfect many times today, trying to do a little practice writing on something like Pinocchio, and I can't do it. It just isn't happening.

The only times I went outside at all today were when I went to the DC to eat, yet boy, did I avoid studying. I checked email, played guitar, watched the first episode of the animated Clerks TV show, and even wrote a review at Planetchrist.com for Empire of the Sun. I went over Victor's Stanford application essay and gave him advice on which parts to cut out. I had a long, deeply moving (well, almost deeply) chat with Jen about turning fifteen, getting old, and living one minute at a time... it made me think about how, in getting older, we tend to start seeing the future in terms of months, then semesters, then years. At around 1:00 in the morning I did a massive revision of the Christmas play and emailed it out to all cast members. I couldn't believe it; I looked in the Bible, turned to my favorite book, Isaiah, and everything popped out at me! I couldn't help but quickly incorporate all the things I learned in those moments of reading the Word right into the play. Seriously, it is infinitely better now.

It doesn't look like I'll be sleeping any time soon... I just have to make sure that a) I get up on time, and b) I find the Valley Life Science Building.

12-12-2001

Well, the final turned out OK after all! Whew! I studied in the morning and ate, and about an hour before the exam started, I felt nauseous and light-headed. I figured that there was nothing more I could do to help, so I read the Bible and did some worship by myself with some mp3's. The test was fairly straightforward and there was nothing that I couldn't answer (the trick was to give a GOOD answer).

Peter had two finals today. Ever since he came back he's been sleeping. As usual, with another final tomorrow, I couldn't study. I downloaded the new Return to Castle Wolfenstein game, and did lots of other random stuff to unwind from the stress of the first final. At 10:00 at night I went to "JJS" ("Jesus Jam Session") at Unit 3, which is something they hold every semester during the finals weeks, having about half an hour of worship each night of the finals.

I can't study. It is a feeble and futile effort. I am distracted by thinking about things such as: Why do I act differently around different people? Especially girls. Here's what I think. You will act differently depending on how that person REACTS to you. With guys it's not even an issue because all guys act the same; it's the girls who are all so complicated and weird. Like with SOME girls, I'll be totally normal and talk with them like I would with a boy. Then with OTHERS, I'll act kind of exaggerated and weird, and with OTHERS I will be totally nervous when near them. I don't even know why I'm talking about this. See, look what these finals do to me. Oh yeah, and Ling-ling can't come up to Berkeley tomorrow either. Rats. Oh well, I'll just watch a movie instead.

I really don't like these Shakespeare exams. They're the worst.